Friday, March 10, 2006

I'm a woolly brained doofusss

Well, obviously I wasn't lying when I said I might not be posting for awhile. It's been a VERY full couple of weeks, what with school, the show, and hanging out. It's easy to forget to relax when I'm busy like this, and a couple of times Jeremy has had to whisk me away to our special spot at the bus stop (yes, the bus stop), where I can just STOP being Helen for awhile. Half the time I feel deaf and mute these days. :P
I don't really know where to start if you want an actual recap of the last two weeks... Kay and I have hung out a couple of times since my last post, but obviously we're both rather busy. She's started teaching me a little tap, which is really cool, although I need to buy some shoes so she won't have to keep lending me hers! I know I really need to start taking real dance lessons, but with all the carting around Mom and Dad are already doing for me, I feel bad about asking. Besides, I'm too busy right now with the show still going on. Speaking of that, our performances start in about a week and a half!!!!! AHHH!!!!! We only have five, which is a bit different then the 20+ we had for Twilight, but I'm still super excited and nervous. Rehearsals have gotten better for me since I last wrote, since I actually have gotten into Helen some what and been able to get into her mind set... It really took awhile though, which was hard.
Today we had our first technical rehearsal, which was kind of insane especially since some reporters decided to pop in and see how we were doing. The directors were NOT happy, let me tell you, since it didn't go very well at all. I mean, I personally didn't think it was that bad... well, at least in the beginning. It started off with the lighting people showing up an hour late, which was fantastic, and then when we finally got the show started, people were forgetting lines and blocking and generally running around the stage in chaos. We kept having to stop to do it over again. Then the first big thing happened. Tristan had to go on in a moment and we all knew it, but we were talking about American Idol (I know..... O_O), and so he was late. He hurried onto the stage, just as GD stood up to call for him, and reached out to open the door that leads into the Kellers home, and it just fell off. Seriously, the door just fell off it's hinges and went crashing down, and he had to jump out of the way or it would have hit him! His expression was hilarious and I started cracking up, but sobered fast when BD started ROARING for Jer to come fix it! He gave me a scared look, and then ran out there and I had to peer out of the backstage to see if he was having any success. He didn't have his tools so he ended up just carrying it out of the way until it could be fixed, but while he was doing that GD was having a talk with Tristan. She looked really mad and I felt so bad because it was partly my fault he went on late! He came back over in a minute, looking kind of depressed, and I reached out and grabbed his arm as he brushed by, obviously not intending to talk to me. I didn't know if he was mad or what, but I felt really bad.
"That was my fault. I'm sorry. I'll explain if you want me to-"
"It wasn't your fault," he mumbled, pulling away, and I frowned, wondering if something else was bothering him. I let him go do whatever she had told him to do though, and went over to Jer, who was propping the door up backstage and attempting to fix it's hinges.
"Need any help?" I asked, coming over. He gave me a strained smile, glancing quickly towards the stage where Tristan was now, and handing me a bunch of screws.
"You can hold these," he said lightly.
"You really don't think I'm capable of anything else?" I pretended to be offended, and he grinned, but then his face grew more serious.
"Is he okay?" he glanced back over towards Tristan, who had his back to us.
"He's been acting kind of strangely," I said quietly, "I didn't think her little rant would bother him, but..." Jeremy wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.
"You worry about everyone too much."
"You're the one who asked," I turned my head to look at him disapprovingly but he started nuzzling my ear and I shrieked and pulled away.
"Jeremy," GD called out warningly and we giggled at each other sheepishly and turned back to the task at hand. I glanced over at Tristan once again, but looked away quickly as I saw him watching us with a strange expression on his face. Was that it then? He was simply jealous?
Rehearsal moved on from there and somehow, miraculously, we managed to get through the whole thing, despite the several other disasters that occurred. At one point my own dear butter fingered boyfriend managed to knock a bowl of plastic fruit all over the stage, disturbing the scene entirely, but that was the only other occurrence that was any of our fault. Mostly it was the lighting and sound people flubbing it all up. Oh well.
After it was finally over, (it ended up being, like, four hours), Tristan came over to say goodbye. We hadn't gotten to talk since the little incident earlier and I didn't know how he was feeling so I was kind of quiet.
"That could have gone better," Jeremy joked, but Tristan was looking thoughtful and obviously not really paying attention.
"See you tomorrow?" I said, picking up my bag, but he finally looked up and grabbed my arm.
"Wait, you know that friend of yours?"
I stared at him blankly for a moment and Jer leaned over, laughing, and whispered "Penny you doofus," in my ear. I can just imagine the way my face must have lit up, for Jeremy was still laughing at me.
"Penny, yeah what about her?" I said, elbowing him hard in the side.
"Is she... uh..." he seemed uncomfortable and I began to get an excited feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Does she have a boyfriend? It didn't come up when we were talking..."
"No, she's quite single," I said cheerily.
"Oh," he nodded, still uncomfortable, but then looked up and met my eyes. "Do you think she would go out with me?" his face was intense and I couldn't quite name the odd expression, but it was what I'd been hoping to hear and I grinned.
"Maybe you should ask her."
He held my gaze for a second, then smiled quickly and nodded. "Right. See you tomorrow." Then he turned and left without another word. I bounced a little watching him go, and beside me Jeremy let out a little sigh. "Well, I guess we don't have to worry about him anymore." I glanced at him in surprise.
"You weren't really worried, were you?"
He looked away and I thought I detected a faint rosy hue to his cheeks. "Not exactly..."
"Oh Jer," I said seriously, wrapping my arms around him, "you never needed to be." He looked down and smiled, and I leaned up for a kiss, but we were, sadly, interrupted.
"Hey love birds," GD shouted from across the auditorium, "we're closing now. Take your overwhelming cuteness somewhere else and don't do anything naughty." We laughed of course, but I'm afraid to say we both blushed a charming deep tomato red and scurried out of there as quick as we could. Hehe. We're so pathetic. :)
Now I'm getting tired but I'm so hyper I'll never sleep, because I'm SO EXCITED, BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?! WE'RE GOING TO NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!
Haha sorry, just had to let a little of it out. But yes. We are officially going. And the day after tomorrow no less. I'm soooo excited!!!! Mom and Dad finally said yes to the plan a week ago... wait no, it must have been two weeks at least I guess. Wow how time flies! I had told Lila about it and she was completely supportive (she still treats me like a daughter. I never expected to be lucky enough to have two mothers. Funny how things work.) When she agreed to chaperon us Mom and Dad seemed a little more comfortable with the idea, although I think Mom still isn't quite happy about it, but they did give me permission. I ordered tickets right away, with my Twilight money, and then I had to tell the directors we'd be gone for two days. I knew they wouldn't be happy of course, what with the show being in only a week and a half, but I know my blocking by heart and two days really isn't that long. Then all I had to do was tell Jeremy. I really wasn't sure when, or how, to do it, but Penny and I got together the day before yesterday specifically to talk about it. We came up with the perfect plan.
Yesterday afternoon I ran to Jer's house just to pop in as a surprise visit, after school. He didn't know it but I actually kind of followed him home, as he thought I had to go home and do home work as usual. We've tried doing it together at his house but we're a great distraction to each other, and besides my parents don't really approve of us being at his house when Lila's not around. I had gotten permission for this though, it being such a special occasion, and I was bouncing with nerves and excitement by the time I got there. Being as thirsty for drama as I am, I didn't go in at the door but went around to his window and knocked on it. He was in there at his desk, and the look on his face when he saw me was priceless. I must have scared him half out of his wits. He came over to the window, looking slightly embarrassed that I had startled him so much, and opened it.
"What the hey are you doing, Jenna?"
I grinned mischievously and beckoned. "Come outside. It's too nice to be wasting away with home work!" Jeremy looked up at the sky suspiciously.
"You call this nice? It looks like it's going to rain any minute."
I laughed slightly nervously, for that was the one part of my plan that wasn't going exactly as it was supposed to. I had been counting on it being glorious and blue skied, not grey as doomsday. Annoying weather. I would just have to deal. "You must see the inner beauty of nature," I said wisely, "come journey into it with me."
He laughed, shaking his head and obviously thinking 'my girlfriend is a woolly brained lunatic,' but being the good boy he is, went around to the front door and came out to me. I bounced over and grabbed his hand. "Where are we going?" he asked, following like a lamb, as I pulled him down the sidewalk and to the small park between his neighborhood and the busy city. "Shouldn't I leave a note for Lila?"
I smiled secretly, for of course she knew all about my plan too, and said "it's taken care of."
"What the...?" he said, clearly confused now, but I ran forward, for we were in the park already, and picked up some scraps of paper that lay on a nearby bench. I new I should be doing this more nonchalantly but I was too excited.
"Look," I ran back over to him, "what's this?" I handed him one of the papers, and he looked at it closely.
"It's a bus ticket to NYC," he said, giving me a suspicious look.
"So's this!" I faked surprise, holding up my own slip. "Funny we should find them. I wonder who they belong to..."
"Jenna what are you-" he started, but I ran forward again, skipping around a tree and calling out to him.
"Follow me!" Poor boy, he rolled his eyes and did so, and soon we had come to another bench where lay what I needed next. "Look at this!" I said, picking up the glossy hotel pamphlet and handing it to him. "I wonder if the people with the tickets were going to stay there!" Jeremy bit back a smile, as I think he started to realize what I was hinting at. "What's over there?" I pointed to a white object lying in the grass next to an enormous oak tree, a tree we had often visited when we wanted to get away. "Go get it," I gave him a nudge, and waited with baited breath as he slowly went forward and picked it up.
"It's a gift," he said, coming back to me, holding the silver package that I knew perfectly well.
"Who's it for?" I demanded.
"How should I-" he started, and I rolled my eyes.
"There's a tag silly. Look!" He gave me another confused look, then opened up the tag and couldn't hold back his grin as he saw his own name, written in my imperfect handwriting.
"Well fancy that," I said softly, trying to hold back my laughter. "Looks like it's for you."
"What's it for?" he said softly, "I hope you know my birthday was quite awhile ago."
"It's for everything," I reached up and kissed his cheek, "now open it!"
He laughed quietly, then very carefully ripped the paper and opened the small box that contained our tickets. His jaw dropped. "The Little Mermaid?"
"Just what you wanted," I laughed. He turned completely towards me, astonishment on his face. "Are you saying we're going...?"
"To New York City! To see the Little Mermaid!" I squealed, dancing around him, unable to hold it in. He opened and closed his mouth several times, lost for words, and I laughed at him. Finally he grabbed me, forcing me to stop moving, and said quietly.
"You know you don't ever have to give me anything to make me keep loving you," my heart fluttered, but he wasn't done, "but it does help a little." I smacked his arm, and he laughed, but after a moment his face grew thoughtful again. "Seriously Jenna, you don't have to-"
I reached out and touched his curly hair gently. "I know," I said softly, "but I want to." He smiled, then picked me up and I shrieked and laughed as he swung me around and around and around, until at last the skies opened up and the rain drove us inside.

And now I really must away to hang out with Dad and Mom a little before bed. I'm still hyper, I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. Oh well. The day after tomorrow we go. One day one day one day one day one day.
I'm so excited. :D

Love you all,

Friday, February 17, 2006

The junk my life's made of

Well the last few days have been kind of crazy! I've had rehearsals every night, of course, and school has been a little overwhelming. Just, what, three - four more months till summer?? Ugh. I can't wait.
Home work is hideous. Just have to say. However, since Twilight I do seem to get along with everyone a lot more... I love the kids in drama class. Well, I just love drama class no matter what. How could I not, considering Jeremy takes it and Mike teaches??! I get lots of hugs there. It's nice. That's the amazing thing about theater people; they're huggy. Like teddy bears.
...Rehearsals have been going well. Well, okay, scrap that. Rehearsals have been going well for everyone except me. I seem to be struggling a little. Helen is freakishly hard to play!! I can't seem to get into her mind-set, which is hindering everything I do, and wow it's hard to memorize my blocking. I don't want to sound whiny, and I'm sure it'll get better... it's just I don't have any lines, right? So I'm moving constantly, but I can't just do random stuff. I have to remember exactly where I'm supposed to go and what I'm doing every time or it will completely mess everyone up. And I have to do it all with my eyes glazed over, I can't ever react when people speak, and I have to be in my own little world but paying complete attention all the time.
So, it's a challenge.
Which is what I wanted, obviously.
I just get stressed easily, in case you couldn't tell. Haha.
It's great having Jeremy there though. He gives me massages after every practice. He's not very good at them, admittedly, but it's sweet anyhow. :)
The only thing I really like about rehearsals right now, is hanging out with Tristan, just because he's really awesome. He talks non-stop, but it doesn't bother me at all, and it distracts me sometimes, from freaking out. Which, um, is a good thing.
Two nights ago we actually planned to get a group together, to go see Dream Girls in theaters. He said he was going to invite a few old theater friends, and I should too. So of course I invited Jer, and, (guess who?!) Penny.
Yes, my own dear Penpen who wants a man of her own.
Anyways, it's not going to be in theaters for much longer, so we actually planned it for the next afternoon, which was yesterday! I kind of had to DRAG Penny there, because she was being all studious and unsociable and all that kind of crap. And come on, this is Pen we're talking about!! Since when is she unsociable?! Really?!
I guess I'm just going to have to keep reminding her who her true self is. Heh.
No seriously though, I think it's great she's so dedicated to being a nurse now. But you've got to have some fun sometimes!!!!! And that's what I'm here for. ;)

Ugh, I keep getting distracted. My life is a constant running from what I'm doing to pretend to be blind and deaf randomly. Pretty soon I'm going to start doing it at school. That should be fun.

WELL, so I met Jer and Penny at the movie theater, and we went inside and soon tracked down Tristan's group. He looked a teeny tiny bit disappointed I'd brought Jeremy, and I felt kind of bad. But then, I'd brought Penny too, and that was the important thing! I introduced her, then he introduced all his friends. There were actually only two, but they were both super cool. There was Sebastian, (who's almost certainly gay), and Kayla. They call her Kay. I have no idea why. Haha. Sebastian was wearing the classic wacky theater hat, ginormous sunglasses (inside, yes) and multitudes of rings. He was a little hyper, super outgoing, and made me feel like one of the group immediately. While we waited in line to get our tickets, he enacted excitedly parts from Wicked, which we had jumped into discussing immediately.
I love that show.
And Sebastian would make a GREAT Fiaro. Even if he is gay. Haha.
Kay is like the totally opposite of Sebastian. I mean, really totally opposite. She's got this gorgeous chocolate brown skin, and curly black hair, and she's really quiet. Really nice, but really quiet - well, kind of like me... She's shorter then me, and super petite. We started talking, and I found out she's a dancer, in fact, she sort of half offered to give me some lessons! :O Exciting!!
It ended up that we all went into the theater in pairs. Jeremy and Sebastian, talking excitedly about, (guess what?!) The Little Mermaid, Penny and Tristan, and me and Kay. I made sure to sit next to Jer for the movie though, since that's just what we do, you know, so Kay and Sebastian sat next to us, and then on the very end were Penny and Tristan. They seemed to get along great. Somehow, I'm not surprised. I drilled Penny about it later, but more on that in a moment.
The movie was really great. It has some AMAZING songs, and by amazing, I mean amazing!! Jeremy and I will have a competition to see who can buy it for each other first, I'm sure. I'm also sure I'll win... okay not really, but I'm going to try SO hard to win this time. I am NOT fine with being a loser anymore!
The most amazing song in the whole thing, I think, was Listen, written and performed by Beyonce (who, by the way, is actually a very good actress!) The song doesn't sound as good sung all fancy, but the way it was in the movie was so powerful and amazing. She's got a gorgeous voice. I wish I could find the actual scene from the movie, cause that's best, but I can't, so you'll have to be happy with the music video below. I know some of her moves are realllllly strange....! All I can say is, listen to the music and emotion. It's great.
After it was over we were all kind of quiet... maybe a little in awe or something, so we said goodbye fairly quickly and then set off in our different directions. I knew I would see Tristan again that night, so I didn't feel bad leaving right away. Besides, I wanted some alone time with Penny before rehearsal. I also got Kay's AIM, so we could talk some. We have been, and she's really been growing on me. She is really quiet in real life, but online... ohboy! She's really fun. And she's a writer too, which is cool. She's even got this blog for her made up character which I've started reading... neat, huh?
We had this hilarious conversation this afternoon, cause it seems she was in a really random mood... she reads so much, the stuff she comes up with is crazy!

Jennagirl13 (3:44:20): How was lunch?
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:44:40 PM): Hiiiilarious!
Jennagirl13 (3:45:05): Oh? How come??
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:45:10): You really want to know??
Jennagirl13: (3:46:07): Pshh, YES!
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:46:20): Okay well, my sister and I were talking about this article we read on a super cool site, about how the Japanese are so paranoid of crime that they've actually made clothing that can change into other stuff.
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:47:20): Like, they made this long skirt, that has wire under it, and if you think you're going to get mugged you can pop it up and it makes you into a vending machine!
Jennagirl13 (3:47:40): :O Seriously???!
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:48:21): Yeah!! So, we were telling my parents about this, right? And my Dad goes "Well what if the robbers just start poking vending machines, to make sure they're all real?!" and we all died laughing.
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:49:10): And then he goes, "Or what if someone actually tried to USE the vending machine?!" "And they attempt to put in the money and everything..." my sister cut in excitedely, "and when it doesn't work," I said, "they get mad and start kicking it!!"
Jennagirl13 (3:49:20): AHAHAHAHA!
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:49:40): And THEN, the 'vending machine,' starts yelling "HElP!" and runs away!
Kaykaytriplethreat (3:50:05): :P I'm still giggling, hehe.

Yeah so... she's cool like that. :D
And, in case I didn't mention it before, SHE'S GOING TO TEACH ME DANCE!!! AHHHH!

Sorry, I kind of got off track, didn't I? Well, after the movie Penny came over and we hung out for a bit. I couldn't wait to ask her about Tristan. We'd barely settled into my room, and turned on music, when I popped the question.
"So what?" she played innocent, laying back on my bed.
"What did you think?" I bounced up and down next to her, filled with nervous energy.
"I liked it."
I glared at her. "I'm not talking about the movie, and you know that perfectly well, young lady!"
She sighed, and sat up. "I honestly don't have time for guys right now."
"Of course you don't," I patted her knee. "But he's hot, right??"
She rolled her eyes, but grinned, and I knew I'd won. "I guess you could say that."
I snickered.
"Get a life Jenna!" she shoved me over, "you have better things to be doing with your time then setting up your friends!"
I widened my eyes with astonishment. "I do??!"
She laughed, and and I poked her. "Sooo... you like him, right? What did you talk about?! You were together like the whole time!"
"He seems very nice."
"All right fine!" she finally gave in, laughing. "Yes, he's hot, yes there is potential for crush-ness. Yes, we hung out the whole time. What else do you want to know?!"
"Did you give him your phone number?"
She sighed, then nodded. I whooped. Rather loudly.
Go me.

In other news, I asked mom and dad about Jer and I going to NYC. It kinda went like this:
Me - So, I've been thinking about getting Jeremy a big present soon, because of everything he did during Twilight.
Mom & Dad - (Look at each other nervously)
Me - and I finally figured out what I want to do! Um, he's really into this new show... it's nothing bad, don't worry, just The Little Mermaid actually....
Mom - Mhmm?
Me - Well I thought it'd be really special if we could go see it in NYC...!
Mom & Dad - (Silence)
Dad - On your own?
Me - Well that would be nice but I mean I'm sure Lila would come...
Mom & dad - (Silence)
Mom - I don't know Jenna, we'll have to think about this. We don't want you getting into anything serious too fast, and that would be an awfully big present...
Me - Of course.
And then they went to their room and talked for awhile, and I went to my room and pretended I couldn't hear them, just like the old days. After awhile Dad came in. I was lying on my bed, staring up at my ceiling which has pictures from Twilight taped up all over it. He sat down next to me.
"Hey Jenna girl," he said, just like he used to when I was little. I turned my head and smiled at him.
"Well, what's the verdict?"
He sighed. "We aren't saying no... yet. But we aren't saying yes either."
I looked back at the ceiling. "You like Jeremy, don't you?"
"Of course we do! He's a perfectly nice kid, it's just... we wouldn't want him to hurt you, you know?"
I laughed, softly. "Like that could happen."
"You don't know what could happen," dad took my hand, "we don't want you to hurt him, either."
I turned to look at him again. "I never could."
He nodded, smiling, then got up. "Don't stay up too late."
"Of course not," I laughed, and he closed my door behind him gently.
I love having my dad back.
Our conversation got me to thinking though... what if I do hurt Jeremy someday? Will I be able to live with myself? How much longer can our perfect relationship last?
Ick. I don't want to worry about it, and I guess since I did tell dad I'd not go to bed too late, (*cough*) I should get off. This has kind of turned into a crazy, disastrous, mumble jumble post. Ah well.
I don't know how much I'll be able to post in the next couple weeks either. I have a feeling rehearsals are going to take over for my life. So ta-ta for now!

Love you all,

Monday, February 13, 2006

Of Mermaids and Hot Guys

So tonight was our first rehearsal! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to be in a show again, can I just say? Yeah. SO. HAPPY.
I was actually kind of nervous tonight though, which was weird cause I wasn't expecting it. I mean, it's just a rehearsal, no need to be nervous, right? Right?
Ha, ha.
Can I just say, getting up in front of people you don't know all that great, even if they're actors in the same show as you, is scary. And nerve wracking. All these stupid thoughts are going through your head... what if I do something stupid? What if I can't get something the director wants me to? What if?
I kind of experienced that in Twilight, but only two days before the show and I thought it was just because it was... well, two days before the show. Yeah, not. According to Jer, you're not normal if you don't get the shakes at least at first rehearsal, and generally you'll have them till the third or fourth.
Um, that wasn't something I wanted to know, thanks.
Anyways, most of the people there I recognized from the auditions - a few I didn't, but I guess they signed in for it later. The two directors were there, of course, sitting on the edge of the stage when we came in. I was a little worried on the way there that we were going to be late, which, as you should know, is NOT a good thing when it's your first rehearsal, but we made it in plenty of time. Jeremy laughed at me and called me a worry wart, too. Joy. He didn't just take me because he's sweet, (which, btw, he is), but also because he was going to go in and meet with the woman director, (for some reason I can't seem to remember their names... it's not cool! I'm fine at memorizing lines but I can't remember peoples names?! What is this??!) to discuss the scenery and whatnot. He's going to be the all round handyman for the show, seeing as he's Lila's son and Lila's good friends with directors because she just happens to be good friends with everyone in the entire theater industry!
Woo, long sentences tonight, not sure if that's a good thing...
ANYWAYS, so yes, Jeremy drove me/us again. No matter how much mom and dad might complain about the amount of time we spend together, there's no denying they're benefiting from dear Jer's driving skills. (Speaking of which, oh dear I need to think about my permit soon. Eeeek!)
Well, when Jeremy and I came in, Tristan was waiting by the door again, for me apparently. I came through the doorway first, and he went "Bella!" and gave me a hug. Normally, this would have been really nice, but with Jeremy right behind me.... yeah, a little awkward.
"Benji!" I said, a little less enthusiastically. He laughed, but tensely because he'd noticed Jer standing in the doorway, smiling lightly. "Um, this is Jeremy," I said, taking his hand.
Tristan smiled with no less friendliness then he had with me, and said, "Nice to meet you, bro." I felt a faint hope that they would actually become friends. How cool would that be?!
"Did you get James??" I asked him, as I'd never gotten to see a cast list so didn't know who anyone else had gotten.
"I did indeed," he looked pleased.
"Congratulations," said Jeremy. "He's one of my favorite characters ever."
"I hope I do him justice then," Tristan said, with a funny smile.
"Pshh, like you wouldn't," I said lightly, trying to break the weird mood that was coming over us. He grinned down at me, and I caught Jer giving me a side glance. I squeezed his hand. I hope he doesn't think anything weird is going on... I'll just have to make sure he doesn't...
Soon after that Jer went to talk to the woman director, (OH YEAH! Her name's Cissy, don't let me forget again!) and rehearsal started.
The other director... (you know what, I think I'm just gonna call them Boy Director, and Girl Director, to make is easier on myself, k? So that's BD and GD. :D) BD started by giving us all scripts, making us sit in a circle and do the classic name/part you play bit. Then he did something a little different. He had us play a game! At a rehearsal! I'm not even kidding! We went up onto the stage in pairs, and he would say we had to act like a certain something... like superheroes, or whatever. So then we'd try to act like them, ad-libbing and doing crazy stuff. It was insane, and he called it, "a little warm up." HAH!
Tristan and I got paired together, and you'll never guess what BD told us to be... damsels in distress. Both of us. Yeah. Yeeesh.
It was absolutely hilarious though. Tristan jumped right into it, starting to pace and fluttering his hands like a girl. "When will someone save us?" he said in this wimpy high voice, "I feel faint, oooh what are we going to do?" I had to try really hard not to crack up, but I pulled myself together and ran over just as Tristan swooned. Yes, he swooned. Everyone was laughing uproariously while I slapped his cheeks making little cries of dismay, and when he "awoke," we clung together and wailed.
It was probably one of the single funniest moments in my life.
Sadly, after that craziness we had to get right to work. Of course knowing me I enjoyed it almost as much as the game, despite having the shakes. It was really strange since Helen's deaf, blind, and mute, I obviously don't have and lines except grunting noises, and it's all feeling. She's so wild for most of the play, it's almost scary to do it. I've got a lot of work to do. I think I'm going to practice being deaf/dumb/mute by just walking around the house with my eyes closed and pretending... it should help at least. But it's definitely going to be a challenge. The cast seems great though, as do the directors, and the woman playing Annie is absolutely brilliant. Her name's Lizzy, and I think she's in her early twenties... she seems really awesome, anyways.
After the rehearsal was over, Tristan and I traded cell numbers, to stay in touch and arrange getting a group together or something, and then it was time to go. On the drive home, I was pretty tired and not all that talkative, so Jer put on a CD to listen to... and I sat up pretty fast.
"Is this The Little Mermaid??!"
He turned a pretty shade of pink. I couldn't actually see it, since it was dark, but I can grantee you he did. "What if it is?" he said defensively.
I laughed. "It's okay, I've heard people say it's a good show, just... you? The Little Mermaid? Ahahaha." I have to admit, I enjoyed rubbing it in a little. :P
"I like it, okay?!" Jeremy protested. "Just listen to some of it and you will too! I've always been a sucker for fairy tales, you should know that. I mean, what normal guy likes Twilight?!"
"True," I said thoughtfully, "okay shut up so I can listen."
"You're the one talking."
"Oh really? Who's talking now?"
"You're impossible."
"So are you. That's why I love you."
My heart stopped for a moment, and then I reached over and took his hand, squeezing it. I leaned against him, and settled in to listen to the corny Disney music.
Except, it wasn't all that corny.
In fact, I kind of liked it.
Shocking, I know.
So, when I got home, I looked it up. Because I suddenly have this idea. Well, more then an idea. I know what my big present to Jer is going to be now.
We're going to NYC.
To see The Little Mermaid on Broadway.
I'm going to buy the bus and show tickets, get everything set, and we're so going. I can't wait. In fact, I'm super excited. EXTREMELY excited. AH.
I hope he likes it!!
I guess I'd better ask Mom and Dad for permission first though, huh. No way I'm giving this up, no matter if they're not happy about it. I've never been to NYC dangit. And taking my boyfriend to the corny show he loves is going to be an experience of a lifetime.
... It should be anyways. Haha.
Okay, I needa go to bed. I'll ask mom and dad about it tomorrow. Eeek.

Love you all,

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

My Angel

Eeek. I just changed my template, as you can see. It was a little scary, and still is, for that matter. You see, I was so used to the intense black, and now it's intense pink, which is.... scary! Haha. I'm pathetic. :D
Anyways, we'll see if I keep it. The pink could drive me crazy after a few days. Or kill me. If you find me dead you'll know what happened. Teehee. I'm also thinking about adding music... knowing me, it'll be all show tunes! Go show tunes! :P
As you can see I'm sort of in a goofy mood... it might be from all that sugar I had today... we have an insane amount of desert around our house, and I don't even know why. Of course that means I'm constantly eating it, which is also another reason I go for long runs in the morning.
Anyways, ummm not a lot going on... I can see I got to tell you I got Helen!! Majorly exciting, let me tell you! Mom and dad, Jeremy, Lila, Tisha, Mike, Penny, Angel, their parents and I all went out on a celebration rampage! It was amaaaaaaaaazing. Basically how it happened was that Jeremy asked me out to celebrate, but mom and dad had been planning something already, (plus they think I'm spending too much time with him. Ugh, whatever.) so they invited him, then he invited Tisha (with my permission, of course), then Lila had to come, then Lila invited Mike, (without my permission, but that's quite alright!) and I invited Penny and her family because it wouldn't be a party without them!
It sort of accidentally turned into an all day thing, as we decided to go to lake Mcdonough, because we've all lived in Hartford (or simply CT, for that matter) and never even been! :O So all of us ended up skipping school (w00t!), and we left around eight in the morning. Good thing this February has been so warm, or it would have been not very enjoyable! Penny almost wouldn't come, because she didn't want to miss even a day of school. I managed to convince her though, with my magical ways.
Yeah, right.
Anyways, the day was amazing, the lake gorgeous, and the trails fun. Angel did really well. Penny, however, needs to work out a little, she had some trouble staying with me. Haha Penpen, just kidding! We had lunch at a little place nearby that was so neat, because it was like one of those nineteenth century soda shops... is that what they're called? It was very cute, anyways.
On the way back to the car, Angel and I got to walk together, so we started talking for the first time, really, since they came back. I've missed our deep conversations. Although you could hardly call this a deep conversation. Well, in the beginning, at least. I asked her if she had any crushes (which, I know, seems a little inappropriate considering she's eight, but hey if she wants to experience so many things in life, that would have to be one of them, I'd imagine. :P) She said no, she wasn't going to start giving her heart away at such a young age. I felt a tiny bit rebuked, haha.
"Can you keep a secret?" I decided to confide in her.
She gave me a look. "Of course."
I glanced around, making sure Penny was well behind, then said "well as you probably know, I've decided to set Penny up."
"Mhmm," Angel nodded, very intent.
"I might have found him!" I whispered.
"Nooo," she said it just like a fifteen year old girl would have, and I kind of had to blink fast for a minute. It was, frankly, a little unsettling.
"Yes! I can't tell you who it is... but I think I could be right," I smiled secretively. Or at least, attempted to. Probably I failed miserably, knowing me.
Now obviously this really isn't much of a secret since I'm writing it up on here, but whatever, it was fun to pretend it was, and take this as a warning that I'm not forgetting about that goal, Penny! Muhahahaha.
"What about you and Jeremy?" Angel asked after a moment.
"What about us?" I said.
"Well, do you think he's the 'one?'" I glanced at her with a slight feeling of astonishment.
"I can hardly say. And that's kind of a weird question for you to be asking, you know..."
"Why, because I'm eight?" Angel pouted. "I'm wise beyond my years, and don't you forget it."
I rolled my eyes. "Forgive me your Majesty."
She sniffed disdainfully, then said with a smile in her voice, "I knew you two were destined for each other from the moment I saw you dancing in the snow."
I smiled, and reached down to take her hand. "Look," she pointed to a small flower poking up through the small amount of remaining snow. "Think of how strong and brave it must be."
"Like you," I said softly. "Just like you."

"So about Jeremy," I said, a minute later. That aforementioned person was walking behind us with Penny and Tisha, caught up in some deep conversation I wasn't even going to consider joining, while all our parents plus Mike and Lila were ahead. It was a LONG walk, by the way. "I'm trying to think of something really nice to do for him..."
"Yep, Penny told me," Angel nodded wisely.
"Well?" I demanded, "have any ideas?!"
She regarded me silently for a moment, then said flatly, "no."
"Gee golly thanks," I retorted immediately.
"Oh I know!" Angel suddenly skipped excitedly. "You could go on a road trip! And take me! I've always wanted to go on a road trip!"
I laughed, (well, more like guffawed. Eeek.), but then got to thinking about it. Maybe... well I mean if Angel came, mom and dad might actually let me... or if not, maybe if Penny... ugh, I don't know, I can't even think about it right now, the possibility is too tempting.
Anyways I dismissed that idea, (thinking about it secretly, of course), and then said I was thinking of buying us tickets to some concert or show he'd realllllly like to see. The problem is, I've no idea what that could be. When I explained my predicament, Angel said she would do some spy work and figure it out for me.
I was like, "Uhh, I thought you gave up your watching people habits?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, like I would do that! I'm just not so obvious about it anymore."
"Yeah, right," I teased her.
She gave me a look. "Your mom is missing cooking and feeling a little awkward around your dad because what she really wants is a night alone with him." As you can imagine, my face flamed, but she wasn't done. "Your dad is trying to be really careful with her and so putting more strain on the relationship. They both are really proud of you but they watch you like hawks when you're with Jeremy and hate it when you hold hands, because they think you're far too young for a serious relationship. Mike thinks you're brilliant and beautiful and ought to be in New York, and Lila misses having you as a younger daughter. Tisha's a little relieved to have you out of the house because sometimes you got on her nerves a little, but she's also watching out for Jeremy who is so head over heels for you he could seriously damage himself if he isn't careful." She smiled sweetly at me, and I kind of gasped for a minute.
"What about Penny?" I finally squeaked out.
Her face clouded a little. "Penny's worried about me, as usual, although she shouldn't be, and she's tired from working too hard at school and a little lonely and wishes she had a boy who cared about her as much as Jeremy does for you."
"Oh my..." I said softly, glancing back at Penny, who looked as happy as could be. "You've got to stop doing that Angel, it's really a little scary."
"Sorry," she said quietly.
"Does she worry about you a lot?" I asked softly.
She nodded. "They all do. They treat me like glass. I know it's just because they love me, but... I wish they wouldn't."
I nodded, swallowing hard. "I'll try my hardest not to, then." She smiled, but her eyes were still sad. "Do you think you're going to get sick again?" I couldn't believe what I was asking.
She seemed a little surprised, and looked out over the lake without replying. We were almost to the cars now. Finally, she answered. "Yes." She was silent for a minute, and I drew in a deep breath, holding back tears. "I'm just hoping to hit double digits before I have to go," she said softly.
I couldn't speak for a moment. Then finally, I knew what to say. "I don't think you'll be going quite that soon. This isn't the end of your life, it's the beginning. It's always the beginning." I could barely get the words out.
She looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears.
And we arrived at the cars.
And I had to spend the whole way home pretending I wasn't about to cry.


Vanessa Carlton

Watch her as she flew deep within the blue
A day out from the county I.C.U.
There's nothing you can do
Someone gently says to you
The doctor says that now it won't be long
I try and live up 'til the moment and I hope that I don't blow it
And what is it in me that she hears?
It's just a song she likes
Little arms around my neck
And a dying girl whispers in my ear

Tell me now can you feel it?
I've been keeping company with a ghost
She comes to me like a piece of summer
She comes to me on the days when I need it most

Well summer dies and nothing lasts forever
And you're so fine, the way you stand up to your fears
The summer dies and its just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie

My boyfriend took pictures of me as I held you
I travel alone and the loneliness brings me to tears
The summer dies and it's just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie

Stronger than the hands that hold you
You sing along to the song on the radio
If I drank too much when I am reckless
Just this once would you forgive this

And hold on, the days gone by
Tell me now can you feel it?
I can't keep this all to myself
She's elegant and she means it, no

Years for you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie
Watch her as she flew deep within the blue
Watch her as she slips away from you
I'll keep fingers crossed always for you

It makes me think of her.

Love you all,

Friday, February 3, 2006


So I figured you'd want to know about the audition, since I haven't got to talk to you AT ALL since Friday, Penpen. (What's up with that anyways, hmm?)
Well, it went fine. I feel okay with how I did, but not, like, uber pleased, if you know what I mean. I guess I'll tell it all from the beginning, since it makes my posts longer, k? If you have a problem with story format, go elsewhere. Haha.
So yesterday I woke up bright and early, (meaning, at seven. Ugh, there's only one Saturday in the week, and yet I manage to practically always wake up superduperwuper early! Ah!) The audition was at 2 (pm. well, obviously), and I spent most of the day being really extraordinarily nervous. I mean, I don't think I've been that nervous since waaay before Twilight started. It was barf-worthy nervousness. I hate auditioning, can I just say? Anyways, Jeremy didn't help because he pooped out on me in the end and decided to go for the whole break thing, that I don't understand. Sigh. However, he was a dear and offered to drive me (I need my licence already, dangit!), so I still love him. :P
For this audition I had to do a two minute monologue, which I did know about in advance, thankfully, but I had to speed learn one because I only had about two days to get ready for it. Lila knew about the audition since forever, she just managed to never tell me. Thanks a lot. ;) But Jeremy and Mike both helped me with it, and I felt pretty comfortable with it by yesterday. It's a monologue from the play Easter, put together from a bunch of dialogues the main character, Eleanora, says. She's a really cool girl, because she's been mentally sick, but she's better when the play starts and is just sort of really deep. It's also a great play, because you kind of expect it to be one of those terribly deep and depressing ones (The Glass Menagerie, anyone?), until the end when it turns happy. =)
Yeah you probably didn't want to know all that, lol... but anyways Jeremy picked me up from my house at one, where I was pacing in front of a mirror practicing, just like I had been all morning. He walked in on me doing that, and being my boy, let me finish without interruption. Then he took me by the shoulders and looked me strait in the eyes.
"Okay Jenna, it's great, and there's nothing more you can do now. So, you're going to just relax for an hour, okay? You're not even going to think about where we're going, you understand? If I hear one mumbled word of that monologue in the car, I'm going to pull over and you'll be walking."
I snorted, kissed his nose, (oh gosh, that sounds soo cheesy), and we both headed out to the car. The ride was uneventful, as we listened to music and talked about various random things, trying to keep my mind off the audition. It didn't work perfectly, but hey, it was definitely better then nothing! Soon enough we were there, I went in, and a nice lady showed me where to go. It reminded me really strongly of my first audition with Lila, the building even looked similar! It's hard to believe that was only a couple of months ago, you know... anyways, I was shown into a fairly large auditorium, where I guess they have their shows. It certainly isn't Hartford Stage, but then, not many theaters here are. There was a woman who looked to be in her late 30s, with spiky brown hair and glasses, and an extremely thin, older man, sitting in the front rows, and the woman who showed me in told me they were the directing team and heads of the theater. I didn't know what to do after she left, for the team seemed to be engrossed in talking to someone else standing with them - maybe another actor, I thought. So I was standing in the doorway kind of waffling; should I go introduce myself or sit down? when a guy who seemed to be a couple years older then me (maybe eighteen?) came up behind me.
"Yo," he said, "behind you."
"Oh sorry!" I stepped out of the way quickly, feeling awkward, but he didn't walk by.
"You here for the audition?" The fact that he was talking to me surprised me, and I looked at him for the first time. He was cute. Really cute. And I immediately felt bad for thinking that, since my heart was supposed to belong to the only cute one. But as soon as I actually thought of the only cute one, this guy stopped looking cute. Everyone pales in comparison to my cute one, I know.
Anyways, I kind of blinked for a moment, and then said "Is there anyone here who isn't??"
Don't ask me where the sassy-ness came from.
The guy smiled, which was a whole other layer of cute, and said "I'm Triston."
"Jenna," I said, unable to keep from smiling back. "You auditioning too, then?"
"Yeah," he shrugged, "but I've done stuff here before, so it's no big deal."
"Any audition is a big deal for me," I said glumly.
Tristion laughed, then stared at me really hard for a moment, looking perplexed. "I could swear I've seen you somewhere before!"
"Oh," I laughed uncomfortably, "well I don't know if you've heard of it, I was in that musical at Hartford Stage... Twilight...?"
"Right!" Triston beamed, "you were that Bella girl, right?"
"Yeah..." I said, a little embarrassed, but flattered all the same.
"Well what are you worrying about? You're going to do fine here!"
I laughed, feeling better. "Thanks."

He brought me down to the front of the auditorium, where he kindly introduced me to the directors, and I got my paperwork and went over to the stage to fill it out. Triston kind of tagged along, which I didn't mind at all.
"So what was that about?" I asked, once we were a good distance away from anyone else, "Benjamin?"
"Oh," he snorted, now looking a little embarrassed himself. "I don't know if you've heard of the play Easter... I was in it here last year - played Benjamin."
I gaped at him. "Are you serious?!"
He looked confused, poor guy, "um, yeah..."
"My monologue is from Easter!"
It was his turn to gap. "No WAY!"
"Yeah!" I said, laughing. "I totally love it too. What was it like being in it?" We walked back over to the directors and I gave them my paperwork. They thanked us and Triston and I sat down together, still talking about Easter and all the merits of the play, until the auditions started.
A lot of what went on after that was a bit of a blur, since I tend to zone out at auditions, being so nervous. However, I did notice that there weren't any young girls there, which worried me, because who would play Helen??!! There was a young woman, maybe in her early twenties, who impressed me, so I pinned Annie on her. Then it was my turn, and I said my monologue just as I was supposed to... I guess it went fine, but finding out that the directors would be familiar with it made me even more nervous, and my hands were shaking badly. I'm afraid I was kind of quiet too. Oh well. Triston was great, but I wasn't surprised. There are just certain people that you can tell would do great on a stage, and he was one of them.

After the audition though, things got a little awkward... you see, Triston kind of asked me out. It wasn't a huge deal, but I was getting ready to go, knowing Jeremy would be waiting, and he came over and was just like "Are you doing anything tonight? Because I thought maybe we could hit a movie or something... seeing as we should get to know each other since we're gonna be in the show together..."
"Oh, um I'm sorry..." I said, desperately figuring out how to deal with this. I'd never had to turn anyone down before! "My boyfriend's waiting for me outside." While I spoke, I kind of casually swung my necklace out from under my shirt. He saw it, and I saw him understand.
"Oh so you and the Edward guy are..."
"Yeah," I nodded, feeling horrible. "But you know, we could hang out sometime! Just... not today."
Triston looked away, then shook his head. "Yeah, that would be great," he said, with little hope in his voice. "See you later."
And he walked away.
I felt miserable watching him go, but what could I do? Jeremy's my love, and I'll never put that in danger.

So basically now I'm waiting to find out if I got in... I'm feeling a little depressed about it, because my chances are pretty low. I'm not the right age range for this play - Annie's too old, and Helen's too young. There were no younger girls there though, so maybe... I don't know, I'm not allowing myself to hope. I guess I'll just have to wait and

The phone just rang, I answered.
I GOT HELEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Too excited to write more now. I've got to call Jer!!!!

Love you all,

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

And Life Goes On

I'm so sorry I've kept all you (like anyone even reads this blog, haha.), on your toes for so long! It's not that I've been busy, it's just that after I posted last, things really started to sink in. Being all done with a 1 1/2 month show can make you feel a little lost, you know. I started a blog entry all about it, as you can see:
I'm not really in a writing mood, but I feel like I should post because I never finished The Last Days, and well... you know.
But I've been so caught up in telling ya'll the story of my life, I haven't had time to pause, and think about what I'm doing next.
The truth is folks...
I'm really sad.
I don't want Twilight to be over, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me and it was just so amazing. I know a lot of actors say that usually by the time a show is over they feel ready to move on to something else.
Well guess what??
I'm not.
I LIKED being Bella, dangit!!'---
But never finished it because I wasn't, after all, in a writing mood.
However, I'm totally going to finish this one.
Watch me.

So, since I wrote that... um, two days ago? I've been thinking a lot, trying to figure out what to do next, and I do feel a lot better now. Life isn't over just because Twilight is, just fyi. It's a good thing to remember, you know. =P
Last night I slept over at Pennys house.... our first sleepover since she's returned. It was amazing, of course. We stayed up till 4 a.m. watching movies, and painted our nails in the dark. Craaaazy! It was weird staying up that late, since I NEVER could do that during Twilight... or paint my nails either. Huh. Weird being a normal teenager again, I guess.
OHYEAH. I dunno if I'm going to finish telling The Last Days in detail, you know, but there's something I've got to tell about! After the last show, (which was amazing, and I know I really should do a post about it, but it feels like it was so long ago now!), I was sitting in my dressing room taking off my makeup (which had run some, yuckily, due to crying at the end. Yeah, I cried. We all did.) Jeremy came in and pulled me to my feet, and we hugged for a long moment.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Can you stop asking that?" I countered, (perfectly lovingly, don't worry.)
He laughed. "I assume that's a yes..."
"You could be right... or wrong," I said, teasing, and turned back towards the mirror to finish my face.
"Hey not so fast," he pulled me back towards him. "Close your eyes."
"This had better not be anything slimy or squishy," I said, closing my eyes.
"Would I do something like that?" he said innocently, as I felt something go around my neck. It was cool and light - some kind of necklace, I was sure.
"Oh Jer, not another-" I opened my eyes and stopped, because the breath had been sucked out of my lungs.
"Like it?" he asked quietly.
I picked up the tiny silver apple hanging around my neck, and traced the words engraved on it with my finger. My Bella.
"Like it!" I laughed softly. "Jeremy it's... it's the most beautiful thing any one's ever given me."
He smiled. "Well I shouldn't get all of the credit. Tisha helped me design it."
"But I-" I said, feeling horrible, "I didn't think to get you anythi-"
He put a finger on my lips, saying "Shh. I've got everything I want."
Then he leaned down to kiss me.

...When I told Penny all this last night, she of course freaked out and got super, super excited, and ooh-ed and aah-ed over the necklace. I never take it off, it's part of me now. She wanted to know if we'd said the L word yet. In case you're wondering, no, we have not, although I think both of us have wanted to on several occasions (that being one of them), and I think it's going to happen soon.
I know I'm in love with him.
I also know I'm only sixteen. But I think you can love just as well when you're sixteen as when you're thirty. Or maybe even more.
So Penny and I are cooking up a plan. We haven't figured it out exactly, yet, but I'm going to give him something really special (please tell me what that could be. I haven't decided yet!) to make up for my lack of end-of-Twilight present.
If anyone ever gives him this blog, I will probably die. So no ideas, Angel. I'm watching you.

I have another mission now too. I'm determined to find someone for Penny. She's beautiful, and talented, and smart, and outgoing, so why the heck doesn't she have her own love-of-her-life? She doesn't seem real excited about this quest of mine, but I'm determined. I will find Mr. Right, and I'll be her bridesmaid at the wedding.
That is, assuming she invites me.
Annnnd I have one more piece of ground breaking news! I'm auditioning for new show tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sooooo incredibly nervous, even though it's just a tiny little theater that Lila introduced me to. It's really a community theater, since they get all local talent and don't pay anyone in the production, but Lila says their shows are incredible. Sadly they're barely staying alive, and they find it really hard to find good actors and actress's because most are stupid and actually want to be paid. I don't care about the money at all, of course, I just want to be in another show!! So tomorrow I'm auditioning there for their play The Miracle Worker. I can't believe I'm getting this chance, since as you know The Miracle Worker was the very play that got me into all of this! I'm soooooo excited!!!! And being in a strait play should be a lot of fun too, I'm really looking forward to it. So we'll see what happens! Jeremy hasn't decided whether he's auditioning yet, (even though the auditions tomorrow! I know!!), but he says if he decides not to be in it (normal people apparently like a little break between shows... I'm not normal...), he'll help backstage. So I'll still have my loverboy around. Yay. :D

Sorry for any over excessive lovey-ness in this post. I'm in that kind of mood, sigh. There's nothing to be done about it! Oh and here's an amazing clip from some theaters version of the Miracle Worker. Look at that acting - isn't it incredible??!! THIS is the kind of stuff I want to do!!

Love you all,

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Proclamations of love and stuff like that

...Wait, so what am I supposed to be writing now...?
Gollllly I was up too late that night! What was I talking about? Episode Two??!
Lol well I know I'm a day behind. Sorry 'bout that, but better late then never, right? Right??
I never really believed that saying. Huh.
ANYWAYS! (Can you tell I'm a bit scatterbrained tonight? Why do I always write at night to begin with?! I'm an idiot! :P)

So right. Penny said "Jenna, what the HECK are you doing??!" and I jumped nearly out of my skin, my eyes popping open, and jumped to my feet.
"Ummmm," I said, mortified of course. "Well...I know it may have looked crazy, but Jeremy was being a controlling boyfriend! I had no choice! Thank God you arrived in time to save me!"
Penny stared at me for a moment, as I bit my lip to keep from laughing, then dropped her bags and threw her arms around me.
"My gosh Jenna, it's good to see you! You're even crazier then I remembered!"
I found myself tearing up a little at her heartfelt sentiment.
Once we'd hugged and all that good stuff, I ran over to the car where Angel was being helped out by her mom, and you have to swear not to let Angel read this entry, Penny, because I'm about to get honest. I know EVERYONE says, when they have a friend who's been sick, that they look totally different - worse, then they'd expected. But jeeze, getting out of that car Angel looked tiny. She looked sick. She didn't look like the Angel I played Twister with. And I had to force myself not to hesitate from reaching down to hug her, because I was almost afraid of breaking her. When I stood back up Jeremys eyes met mine, seeing the same thing I was, and I blinked back tears.

She's better now, I know. She'll regain her strength. We'll just have to keep praying it lasts.

After Pennys mom and Angel and Penny and just about everyone exclaimed over all the flowers, (which, btw, were practically dead now because we'd been idiots and put them out in the cold!), we all headed inside. It was strange going into that silent, quiet house, full of memories of the months before. But, it was a LOT warmer, and we soon settled in, talking and eating the brownies mom had made as a welcome home present. Fairly soon, a lot sooner then I'd hoped, anyways, Angel had to go and rest, so Penny and I headed outside on a walk around the neighborhood to do some catching up.
That was one of the best walks I've had in a long, long time. It was great to get some things off my chest I'd needed to talk about, like how Mom and Dad were being kind of weird about Jer and my relationship - stuff like that. Penny had some interesting news too. I happened to ask her what she thought she was going to do next, for acting, and she got really quiet for a minute.
"I think I'm just going to concentrate on school for now... I want to get really good grades this year."
"Oh..." I said, "well, that's cool! How come?"
She stopped and looked at me, head on. "I think I've decided to become a nurse."
I blinked, and then smiled, knowing exactly what to say. "Ohmygosh, that is SO you! Why didn't I see it before??"
She broke out into a huge grin, kind of jumping up and down. "You really think so??!"
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I danced around her, singing it, and then, being the klutz that I am, tripped and fell into the snow. "I totally did that on purpose," I said as she laughed at me. "See? I'm making a snow angel!"
And I did so.
She laughed and flopped down next to me, making her own snow angel.
And I realized just how great it is to have my own best friend back.

If you're reading this Penny, here's me, saying - I AM SO FREAKING GLAD YOU'RE HOME!

Huh, I've been reading over my other entries, and this one especially, and noticed how I kind of tell things like a story... like, is that normal??? Ha, ha.

Anyways, um I meant to finish up "The Last Days" tonight, but I don't know if it's going to happen! :O Well, I guess basically I should say that Penny and Angel seemed to really like the show... I was so, so nervous for some reason to perform for them, especially Penny I guess because she was the original Bella you know! But nothing catastrophic happened, (thank God), and I felt extra happy and satisfied at the end, knowing that the one person who'd really gotten me to do it was sitting in the audience. And sorry, no I don't mean you, Penny.
Angel came backstage to give me flowers after the show. She was so sweet, even though I could tell she was tired. Jeremy came into my dressing room while she was in there, and helped me get my makeup off (something he likes to do, for some strange reason...), and the entire time Angel was giving me this knowing little look.
"Fine!" I eventually burst out, "you were right! Stop looking so smug, you little bugger!" Jeremy scooped her up and started tickling her, and she, being an eight year old despite all other evidence, went into hysterical giggles.
I do love that girl.
That's why I can't bear to see her sick.

Well, it's bed time again for this tired actress. More later!

Love you all,