Wednesday, February 8, 2006

My Angel

Eeek. I just changed my template, as you can see. It was a little scary, and still is, for that matter. You see, I was so used to the intense black, and now it's intense pink, which is.... scary! Haha. I'm pathetic. :D
Anyways, we'll see if I keep it. The pink could drive me crazy after a few days. Or kill me. If you find me dead you'll know what happened. Teehee. I'm also thinking about adding music... knowing me, it'll be all show tunes! Go show tunes! :P
As you can see I'm sort of in a goofy mood... it might be from all that sugar I had today... we have an insane amount of desert around our house, and I don't even know why. Of course that means I'm constantly eating it, which is also another reason I go for long runs in the morning.
Anyways, ummm not a lot going on... I can see I got to tell you I got Helen!! Majorly exciting, let me tell you! Mom and dad, Jeremy, Lila, Tisha, Mike, Penny, Angel, their parents and I all went out on a celebration rampage! It was amaaaaaaaaazing. Basically how it happened was that Jeremy asked me out to celebrate, but mom and dad had been planning something already, (plus they think I'm spending too much time with him. Ugh, whatever.) so they invited him, then he invited Tisha (with my permission, of course), then Lila had to come, then Lila invited Mike, (without my permission, but that's quite alright!) and I invited Penny and her family because it wouldn't be a party without them!
It sort of accidentally turned into an all day thing, as we decided to go to lake Mcdonough, because we've all lived in Hartford (or simply CT, for that matter) and never even been! :O So all of us ended up skipping school (w00t!), and we left around eight in the morning. Good thing this February has been so warm, or it would have been not very enjoyable! Penny almost wouldn't come, because she didn't want to miss even a day of school. I managed to convince her though, with my magical ways.
Yeah, right.
Haha.
Anyways, the day was amazing, the lake gorgeous, and the trails fun. Angel did really well. Penny, however, needs to work out a little, she had some trouble staying with me. Haha Penpen, just kidding! We had lunch at a little place nearby that was so neat, because it was like one of those nineteenth century soda shops... is that what they're called? It was very cute, anyways.
On the way back to the car, Angel and I got to walk together, so we started talking for the first time, really, since they came back. I've missed our deep conversations. Although you could hardly call this a deep conversation. Well, in the beginning, at least. I asked her if she had any crushes (which, I know, seems a little inappropriate considering she's eight, but hey if she wants to experience so many things in life, that would have to be one of them, I'd imagine. :P) She said no, she wasn't going to start giving her heart away at such a young age. I felt a tiny bit rebuked, haha.
"Can you keep a secret?" I decided to confide in her.
She gave me a look. "Of course."
I glanced around, making sure Penny was well behind, then said "well as you probably know, I've decided to set Penny up."
"Mhmm," Angel nodded, very intent.
"I might have found him!" I whispered.
"Nooo," she said it just like a fifteen year old girl would have, and I kind of had to blink fast for a minute. It was, frankly, a little unsettling.
"Yes! I can't tell you who it is... but I think I could be right," I smiled secretively. Or at least, attempted to. Probably I failed miserably, knowing me.
Now obviously this really isn't much of a secret since I'm writing it up on here, but whatever, it was fun to pretend it was, and take this as a warning that I'm not forgetting about that goal, Penny! Muhahahaha.
"What about you and Jeremy?" Angel asked after a moment.
"What about us?" I said.
"Well, do you think he's the 'one?'" I glanced at her with a slight feeling of astonishment.
"I can hardly say. And that's kind of a weird question for you to be asking, you know..."
"Why, because I'm eight?" Angel pouted. "I'm wise beyond my years, and don't you forget it."
I rolled my eyes. "Forgive me your Majesty."
She sniffed disdainfully, then said with a smile in her voice, "I knew you two were destined for each other from the moment I saw you dancing in the snow."
I smiled, and reached down to take her hand. "Look," she pointed to a small flower poking up through the small amount of remaining snow. "Think of how strong and brave it must be."
"Like you," I said softly. "Just like you."

"So about Jeremy," I said, a minute later. That aforementioned person was walking behind us with Penny and Tisha, caught up in some deep conversation I wasn't even going to consider joining, while all our parents plus Mike and Lila were ahead. It was a LONG walk, by the way. "I'm trying to think of something really nice to do for him..."
"Yep, Penny told me," Angel nodded wisely.
"Well?" I demanded, "have any ideas?!"
She regarded me silently for a moment, then said flatly, "no."
"Gee golly thanks," I retorted immediately.
"Oh I know!" Angel suddenly skipped excitedly. "You could go on a road trip! And take me! I've always wanted to go on a road trip!"
I laughed, (well, more like guffawed. Eeek.), but then got to thinking about it. Maybe... well I mean if Angel came, mom and dad might actually let me... or if not, maybe if Penny... ugh, I don't know, I can't even think about it right now, the possibility is too tempting.
Anyways I dismissed that idea, (thinking about it secretly, of course), and then said I was thinking of buying us tickets to some concert or show he'd realllllly like to see. The problem is, I've no idea what that could be. When I explained my predicament, Angel said she would do some spy work and figure it out for me.
I was like, "Uhh, I thought you gave up your watching people habits?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, like I would do that! I'm just not so obvious about it anymore."
"Yeah, right," I teased her.
She gave me a look. "Your mom is missing cooking and feeling a little awkward around your dad because what she really wants is a night alone with him." As you can imagine, my face flamed, but she wasn't done. "Your dad is trying to be really careful with her and so putting more strain on the relationship. They both are really proud of you but they watch you like hawks when you're with Jeremy and hate it when you hold hands, because they think you're far too young for a serious relationship. Mike thinks you're brilliant and beautiful and ought to be in New York, and Lila misses having you as a younger daughter. Tisha's a little relieved to have you out of the house because sometimes you got on her nerves a little, but she's also watching out for Jeremy who is so head over heels for you he could seriously damage himself if he isn't careful." She smiled sweetly at me, and I kind of gasped for a minute.
"What about Penny?" I finally squeaked out.
Her face clouded a little. "Penny's worried about me, as usual, although she shouldn't be, and she's tired from working too hard at school and a little lonely and wishes she had a boy who cared about her as much as Jeremy does for you."
"Oh my..." I said softly, glancing back at Penny, who looked as happy as could be. "You've got to stop doing that Angel, it's really a little scary."
"Sorry," she said quietly.
"Does she worry about you a lot?" I asked softly.
She nodded. "They all do. They treat me like glass. I know it's just because they love me, but... I wish they wouldn't."
I nodded, swallowing hard. "I'll try my hardest not to, then." She smiled, but her eyes were still sad. "Do you think you're going to get sick again?" I couldn't believe what I was asking.
She seemed a little surprised, and looked out over the lake without replying. We were almost to the cars now. Finally, she answered. "Yes." She was silent for a minute, and I drew in a deep breath, holding back tears. "I'm just hoping to hit double digits before I have to go," she said softly.
I couldn't speak for a moment. Then finally, I knew what to say. "I don't think you'll be going quite that soon. This isn't the end of your life, it's the beginning. It's always the beginning." I could barely get the words out.
She looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears.
And we arrived at the cars.
And I had to spend the whole way home pretending I wasn't about to cry.

"Annie"

Vanessa Carlton

Watch her as she flew deep within the blue
A day out from the county I.C.U.
There's nothing you can do
Someone gently says to you
The doctor says that now it won't be long
I try and live up 'til the moment and I hope that I don't blow it
And what is it in me that she hears?
It's just a song she likes
Little arms around my neck
And a dying girl whispers in my ear

Tell me now can you feel it?
I've been keeping company with a ghost
She comes to me like a piece of summer
She comes to me on the days when I need it most

Well summer dies and nothing lasts forever
And you're so fine, the way you stand up to your fears
The summer dies and its just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie

My boyfriend took pictures of me as I held you
I travel alone and the loneliness brings me to tears
The summer dies and it's just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie

Stronger than the hands that hold you
You sing along to the song on the radio
If I drank too much when I am reckless
Just this once would you forgive this

And hold on, the days gone by
Tell me now can you feel it?
I can't keep this all to myself
She's elegant and she means it, no

Years for you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie
Watch her as she flew deep within the blue
Watch her as she slips away from you
I'll keep fingers crossed always for you

It makes me think of her.

Love you all,
J.


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