Proclamations of love and stuff like that

...Wait, so what am I supposed to be writing now...?
OH YEAH! EPISODE TWO!!
Gollllly I was up too late that night! What was I talking about? Episode Two??!
Lol well I know I'm a day behind. Sorry 'bout that, but better late then never, right? Right??
I never really believed that saying. Huh.
ANYWAYS! (Can you tell I'm a bit scatterbrained tonight? Why do I always write at night to begin with?! I'm an idiot! :P)

So right. Penny said "Jenna, what the HECK are you doing??!" and I jumped nearly out of my skin, my eyes popping open, and jumped to my feet.
"Ummmm," I said, mortified of course. "Well...I know it may have looked crazy, but Jeremy was being a controlling boyfriend! I had no choice! Thank God you arrived in time to save me!"
Penny stared at me for a moment, as I bit my lip to keep from laughing, then dropped her bags and threw her arms around me.
"My gosh Jenna, it's good to see you! You're even crazier then I remembered!"
I found myself tearing up a little at her heartfelt sentiment.
Once we'd hugged and all that good stuff, I ran over to the car where Angel was being helped out by her mom, and you have to swear not to let Angel read this entry, Penny, because I'm about to get honest. I know EVERYONE says, when they have a friend who's been sick, that they look totally different - worse, then they'd expected. But jeeze, getting out of that car Angel looked tiny. She looked sick. She didn't look like the Angel I played Twister with. And I had to force myself not to hesitate from reaching down to hug her, because I was almost afraid of breaking her. When I stood back up Jeremys eyes met mine, seeing the same thing I was, and I blinked back tears.

She's better now, I know. She'll regain her strength. We'll just have to keep praying it lasts.

After Pennys mom and Angel and Penny and just about everyone exclaimed over all the flowers, (which, btw, were practically dead now because we'd been idiots and put them out in the cold!), we all headed inside. It was strange going into that silent, quiet house, full of memories of the months before. But, it was a LOT warmer, and we soon settled in, talking and eating the brownies mom had made as a welcome home present. Fairly soon, a lot sooner then I'd hoped, anyways, Angel had to go and rest, so Penny and I headed outside on a walk around the neighborhood to do some catching up.
That was one of the best walks I've had in a long, long time. It was great to get some things off my chest I'd needed to talk about, like how Mom and Dad were being kind of weird about Jer and my relationship - stuff like that. Penny had some interesting news too. I happened to ask her what she thought she was going to do next, for acting, and she got really quiet for a minute.
"I think I'm just going to concentrate on school for now... I want to get really good grades this year."
"Oh..." I said, "well, that's cool! How come?"
She stopped and looked at me, head on. "I think I've decided to become a nurse."
I blinked, and then smiled, knowing exactly what to say. "Ohmygosh, that is SO you! Why didn't I see it before??"
She broke out into a huge grin, kind of jumping up and down. "You really think so??!"
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I danced around her, singing it, and then, being the klutz that I am, tripped and fell into the snow. "I totally did that on purpose," I said as she laughed at me. "See? I'm making a snow angel!"
And I did so.
She laughed and flopped down next to me, making her own snow angel.
And I realized just how great it is to have my own best friend back.

If you're reading this Penny, here's me, saying - I AM SO FREAKING GLAD YOU'RE HOME!

Huh, I've been reading over my other entries, and this one especially, and noticed how I kind of tell things like a story... like, is that normal??? Ha, ha.

Anyways, um I meant to finish up "The Last Days" tonight, but I don't know if it's going to happen! :O Well, I guess basically I should say that Penny and Angel seemed to really like the show... I was so, so nervous for some reason to perform for them, especially Penny I guess because she was the original Bella you know! But nothing catastrophic happened, (thank God), and I felt extra happy and satisfied at the end, knowing that the one person who'd really gotten me to do it was sitting in the audience. And sorry, no I don't mean you, Penny.
Angel came backstage to give me flowers after the show. She was so sweet, even though I could tell she was tired. Jeremy came into my dressing room while she was in there, and helped me get my makeup off (something he likes to do, for some strange reason...), and the entire time Angel was giving me this knowing little look.
"Fine!" I eventually burst out, "you were right! Stop looking so smug, you little bugger!" Jeremy scooped her up and started tickling her, and she, being an eight year old despite all other evidence, went into hysterical giggles.
I do love that girl.
That's why I can't bear to see her sick.

Well, it's bed time again for this tired actress. More later!

Love you all,
J.

The Last Days, Episode One...?

I am utterly exausted. Makes sense, since it IS 1 pm (uhh... yeah right, that would be A.M! Sigh.), in the morning, right? Hah.
I really can't sleep though. I feel a little like crying, a little like laughing, so I'm kind of caught in between, not knowing what to do. I want to call Jeremy but I know he'll be in bed, since he's a sensible person - unlike me.
So, I'm writing instead. Which is actually, really weird.

Yesterday, (well okay, two days ago since I guess it's Monday now... weird, lol.), I woke up bright and early, went for my morning run, (yes, I have morning runs now... shut up!), took my usual shower, and then got picked up by Jer for breakfast. Yeah, we went out to dinner the night before and then decided to go for breakfast! No wonder I have morning runs, I would be fat by now if I didn't! Lol anyways we went to a Dennys (fancy, I know), and then drove strait to Pennys to set up. A couple of nights before, the entire Twilight cast had made a welcome home banner, signed by everyone, since Angel is no secret anymore. Jer and I hung it up over the door, then stuck balloons, (in assorted colors!) on the mailbox, and arranged the tons of bouquets and pots of flowers people had given around the steps and walkway. I was quite proud of the end result, if I do say so myself. Then we settled in for the wait, since we'd come way, way early because of the worry wart that I am, and I have to say I feel a little sorry for poor Jeremy. I was sooo hyper! I couldn't sit still at all! Like, he sat down on the steps and I sat down next to him for like one second, then popped back up to shift a pot of flowers a fraction of a centemiter, then ran back to him asking if it was better... Finally after at least a half an hour of this, he stood up suddenly and yelled "Jenna, stop!!"
I stopped.
He smiled. "Now run around the house three times."
I ran around the house three times.
"Now sit down, close your eyes and take deep, meditative breathes."
I sat down, closed my eyes, and... well you get the point. "You freak," he said, loving boy that he is, "don't do everything I tell you to! People will think I'm a controlling boyfriend!" He walked over and sat down next to me, and I peeked at him and saw he was meditating also. And he's calling ME the freak!
Hypocrite. =P
We were still sitting there when Penny drove in, and I was so lost in the calm place in my mind (amazing meditator that I am!), I didn't even hear them drive in. I was brought to my senses rather abruptly at the sound of Pennys voice directly above me, saying, "Jenna, what the HECK are you doing??!!"

Annnd that's all for tonight folks! Bed calls, maybe I can actually sleep now. Tune in tomorrow for episode two of "The Last Days."
Assuming I write it.
Hahaha.

I can't believe it.
It's almost over. Only two more days people. Two more short days of being Bella. It's a really sad feeling, to be so close to the end, but at the same time I'm super, super excited to see my dearest Penny and Angel tomorrow!!! It's been waaay too long, I think I would have died if you guys didn't come back soon.
This last week has been crazy. I'm not even talking normal crazy, I'm talking crazy, crazy! But I guess I should start at the beginning... ("a very good place to start!" hehe)
Well, last weekend was pretty normal... I was doing shows every day obviously, not much was going on... all that. Then on Monday, well just a couple of days ago, I guess, I got sick. My timing is just brilliant, I know. So it's my last week of this amazing, once-in-a-life-time show, and I came down with a really bad cold. I'm still recovering from it now, but it's a lot better then it was. Monday I was really, really sick and of course I have no understudy since I'M the understudy, so I had to go on! It was pretty, ummm... sucky, but I knew I just had to do it and everyone was really nice. Jeremy kind of held me up subtly in parts, haha. I don't know how I did or anything, in fact I don't really remember that performance at all... it's completely blanked out, somehow.
But that's not the end of the story, don't hold your breath. Oh yeah, I could see you hoping. Hah! Too bad, there's more! Lol, so by Wednesday this week I thought I was pretty much better, I was on a ton of medications and felt fine. I did the show in the afternoon, and it went fine of course and so I didn't bother to take a little nap before the evening one. BIG MISTAKE! By the time 8:00 came around I was so freaking tired I could barely see strait... I certainly couldn't see well enough to know I was overdosing on my medications! No joke, I took too much. Fortunately it wasn't enough to make me seriously sick, no stomach pumping or anything like that. However, I got onstage that night, opening number and all, and looked out at the audience, and every ones faces went really blurry... sound mushed together in my brain, and I don't even know whether I said my first line or not. I mean, I guess I must have since I don't think the show stopped or anything, but I know Jer and Cassandra and others could tell something wasn't right. After the first scene I kind of stumbled off stage mumbling to myself, and Jer ran after me in time to catch me just as I fainted.
Yeah, I fainted.
Sigh.
Movie Man came running backstage, and Lila and Mike happened to catch him to find out what was going on... what they both were doing in the audience that night, I have no idea. Their capability to predict trouble in the Twilight world is really a little unsettling. But anyways they all came running backstage, where I was sitting in the one available chair, just waking up. I remember opening my eyes to see Jeremy and Lila peering down at me worriedly, AGAIN. It brought back strange memories, let me tell you. Lila started bossing Movie Man around, and he actually obeyed her! It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! She told him to go get water and something for me to eat, and he RAN! As fogged out as I was, I still couldn't help cracking up a little at that, and Jeremy looked at me and said "Good, you're still alive!" and then started laughing too. Lila gave us both her evil eye, haha.
Anyways they brought me the food, and after I ate and drank some I definitely felt better. It was then that I thought to, you know, look around and see what part we were at and when I had to go on next... all that unimportant stuff. Not! I kind of bolted from my chair in a dizzy panic, and despite Lila and Mikes protests, managed to dash onstage JUST in time!
The next day Thursday mom and dad of COURSE gave me trouble about going back. They said it wasn't safe, I could hurt myself, etc. I know they were just trying to look out for me, but come on this is my last week of the show, I not going to flunk out at the very end!! Despite my protests they made me stay in bed all day till the evening show, and Dad accompanied me to my dressing room, and then stayed for the performance. I would complain, but I just love having him around again. I missed him so much. He seems to really like the show too, which makes me happier then anything else. And you know, I am starting to feel better about everything that went on... I hope I am, at least.
Anyways so Thursday was yesterday, it went fine, and I'm mostly all better today. I'm going to be completely well for tomorrow, when my own best friend and Angel return!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!! I'm soo super excited, I doubt I'm even going to sleep tonight. Ahhhhhh!!!
And now I've got to run, Jer's picking me up to go out for dinner before the show. I can't believe he still likes to hang out with me, despite my germs and the fact that he sees me every day anyways! But I can't imagine doing this; being Bella - with anyone else. Because I really and truly, love my Edward.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yi6FcJise5E&mode=related&search=
Isn't music better then words?

Love you all,
J.

Crappy Drivel

Bah. I'm so incredibly tired it's not even funny. I have a good excuse though! Today... (drum roll please...!) I tried out for the track team at HHS!!! I was sooo nervous, which I know is really strange considering what I've been doing for the past month. I mean you would think that running laps would be a lot less scary then standing up on a stage and singing/kissing in front of 2oo people. Of course, I do like the kissing part... ;) Anyways, what I'm saying is I was truly terrified and almost chickened out, but then decided to be the new me and go for it. It went fine, of course, and I'll find out if I got in next week I guess... I don't really care either way - there's always next year!
I'm a little sad and lonely right now... it's just weird because now that mom and dad are back together (which of course is like the greatest thing on earth!!) I don't get to see Jer so much anymore. Well, I guess I see him plenty what with shows every day, but we don't really get to hang out. I suppose I know now how it feels to be dating a guy who I'm not actually living with. Heehee. I do miss wandering into his room randomly, eating apples in the kitchen, all the costumes hanging around... ahme. And things are a little awkward here at home, I mean everything between mom and dad isn't magically fixed, and I don't think I've forgiven either of them yet...
Gah.
It's stupid.
BUT that's why I like playing Bella! I get to stress about her problems and forget my own!
...Sometimes I think that actors are just cowards, running away from their problems to be someone else...

Sorry, my minds going in a million directions at once tonight. I'm so obsessed with theater right now, it's incredible. I mean... I can't even explain it! The people and all the work; Standing in front of the audience after a show and seeing their faces; it's like a drug really! I'm thinking about it constantly, looking at sites, listening to music. It's gotten to be that I don't even feel like reading books unless they have something to do with theater!!
This is bad! I don't like it! Someone help me!

That said, I HAVE to go to bed now. Night night.

Love you all,
J.

Love, Laughter, & all that cheesy stuff

Penny said I *had* to try this, since we don't get to talk much anymore and she wants to know what goes on with my life. So sorry if I completely suck at it - I mean I told her I'm not even slightly a writer, but that girl is stubborn! The real reason I'm doing this is because Angel wants me to, too, and I would do anything for that girl. They're hopefully going to be coming back next weekend so they'll get to see the show then! =D
Um what do I write now?? I've been insanely busy, with shows every night and matinees on Wednesdays and Fridays. I can't believe the show is already closing next week. All our work and it's going to be over so soon! Everyone who's come has raved about it but I don't think the NY producers were impressed, at least I haven't heard anything... Jeremy and I like to talk about the things we'll do when we're rich and famous. Honestly I don't really think it's going to happen, and when I told him that he bolted up from his chair and said with mock fierceness, "I WILL be famous!!!"
I love that boy.
Last night was great because I know I got a whole bunch of the audience members to cry there eyes out... which kind of sounds horrible, doesn't it? Haha, oh well it's really awesome. Thankfully our mikes seem to be fixed, they've been soo annoying lately, popping in and out which is irking especially since I have a quiet voice. Jeremy doesn't have a problem. Of course. But you know what? I've finally found something I'm better at then Jer! Dancing. No, I'm not kidding. You're going "what?? You can't dance! Remember all your problems before??!!" but I'm totally serious. Suddenly I like dancing a wholllle lot. It's amazing, and I'm going to start taking official lessons in the summer I think. Unless I'm in NYC of course. Eeek.
Anyways I'm just saying that because yesterday I had to help Jeremy with some steps he never gets right, and while I was showing him (very patiently, I may add), he kind of stopped and looked at me funny and was like "whoa when did this happen?? I *liked* being better then you!!"
I laughed.
I laugh a lot these days.
I guess life's good.

Love you all,
J.